In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
