look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
