I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
