I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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