Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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