Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
