paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
