My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
