no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You don't make any sense
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