I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
