bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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