Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
