I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize