I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
