I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
