I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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