No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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