good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
