i was born a porn star she said
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
