My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
