I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
