THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Randomize