Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
