My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
