fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
