I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
