yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
