weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
