you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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