You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize