Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
