I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
