Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
where are you?
Hypothermia
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
