I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
