I've blown a few things in my day
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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