i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
