Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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