I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
