So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
