If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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