my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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