i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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