She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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