my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I need moral support for this bender
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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