Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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