...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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