She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
