We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Farmville is her only friend.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
