I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
