hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
