Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize