the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
