Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
