he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
