Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
