Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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