I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Panties = found
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