people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
