as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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