my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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