this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
