I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
