I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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