dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
