she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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