Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
